People in their twenties often think, “Since I’m young, I still have time to figure my life out”. “Career and marriage seem so distant away. I’ll think about them later when I’m 30. Right now, I should just focus on having fun and enjoy my youth while I can!”
Your twenties are your most defining decade. 80% of life’s most defining moments happen by age 35. But that doesn’t mean that you have to blow it up or not think about your future now.
Because reality hits – we will soon realise that 30 is NOT the new 20. The runway is much shorter than you expect.
PART 1: WHY YOUR TWENTIES MATTER
Brain Rewiring for Adulthood
When you’re younger, your brain is far more malleable. You are more open to different perspectives. You absorb knowledge and new information like a sponge.
But when we hit our 20s and get older, this is when our brain caps off its second and last growth spurt. Eventually, it gets harder to pick up a new skill. And the past experiences we have accumulated creates an anchoring effect, which sets a limit to how much we think we can achieve.
Besides, our personalities change more during our twenties than at any time before or after. It’s a decade of self-development, change and growth.
This is good news because, whatever you want to change about yourself, there is no better time than now to change it.
Impact on Your Work
Most of us already know that the first 10 years of your career is important. It sets the foundation of skills you have. And it plays a huge role in determining how much you are going to earn in future.
Thus, it helps to take time and think about your career in your early twenties. Find out what you are passionate about, and what are your marketable skills. The sooner you figure these out, the clearer direction you have in navigating your career path.
Modern-day dating culture
Even when it comes to dating and relationships, your twenties matter a great deal. Often, people admit that they are together with their partner “just to kill time”. Because they “don’t want to be single”. Because “being in a relationship is better than being alone”.
Furthermore, our modern-day dating culture has made meeting people much easier, just a swipe on Tinder and you’ve got a match. Usually, the majority of these relationships are not built with the long-term picture in mind.
This becomes problematic when we fail to consider our relationships seriously and for the long-term.
Take for instance you are 21 now and you want to get married by 30. Assuming the minimum number of years to fully get to know someone before committing to marriage is 3 years. On average, that gives you around 3 relationships before you have to decide – which is not a lot, as most would have not imagined.
“Dating for me in my twenties was like this musical-chairs thing. Everybody was running around and having fun. Then I hit thirty and it was like the music stopped and everybody started sitting down. I didn’t want to be the only one left without a chair. Sometimes I think I married my husband just because he was the closest chair to me at thirty. Sometimes I think I should have just waited for someone who might be a better partner, and maybe I should have, but that seemed risky. What I really wish I’d done is thought more about marriage sooner. Like when I was in my twenties.”
The Defining Decade, Meg Jay
Be intentional about your relationships. Don’t wait until you are 30 to think about marriage.
If you are currently in a relationship, do not settle. Take your time to understand yourself, your personality and your needs. The best way to work on your marriage is before you have one.
PART 2: HOW TO MAKE FULL USE OF YOUR 20’s
As we transition into adulthood, here are some key advice we can take and apply in our lives:
Build Your Identity Capital
Your identity capital is your collection of personal assets. It is what defines you and part of who you are. It goes beyond what you put in your resume (e.g. degree, jobs, GPA, etc), including how you speak.
“Most important, identity capital is what we bring to the adult marketplace. It is the currency we use to metaphorically purchase jobs and relationships and other things we want.”
The Defining Decade, Meg Jay
Seek out Weak Ties
Instead of only spending time with your close friends, build up your network of weak ties. Reach out to your friend’s friend, and people from your alumni network. Learn how to leverage these connections to learn more about a career opportunity you might be interested in, and hear from their experiences.
Read more about seeking mentors and peers in “The Third Door”.
Create your own narrative
“As a twentysomething, life is still more about potential than proof. Those who can tell a good story about who they are and what they want leap over those who can’t.”
The Defining Decade, Meg Jay
Life is about telling your own story. Distinctiveness is a fundamental part of our identity.
During interviews and “Tell me about yourself” sessions, elaborate on how are you different from the rest of your peers. It could be joining a certain extra-curricular club, or a hobby/passion project you are embarking on.
Everyone has a different path. You don’t have to “fit in” to the common narrative. Be authentic and craft your own journey. It’s the story that sells.
Fear Setting
Apart from these tips mentioned in the book, doing a Fear setting exercise pushes you to take action. Basically, it’s about using fear as a tool to help us find out what truly matters.
As elaborated in Tim Ferris’ “The 4 Four Hour Work Week“, ask yourself What are you most afraid of now? What is the worst thing that could happen if you do it? What are the cons if you do not take action now?
Somewhere in those answers lies your destiny. Often, it’s the things that we are afraid of that we should do the most.
Summary
30 is not the new 20. Claim your adulthood.
Get some identity capital. Seek out weak ties. And form your own narrative.
Focus on the things that are within your sphere of control. Map out your life and make your own certainty. You are deciding your life right now.
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Very timely reminder
Glad you found it helpful. Thanks for reading!